幽默放送

来源：时间：2008-01-18 15:51:17

　　我要表现得像位女士
　　，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位看起来很高贵的中年男子想给太太买一件。但是不久他就发现自己被疯狂的女人们挤得不成样子了。他尽力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，猛烈地舞动着手臂挤过人群。
　　“你干嘛？”有人在尖叫，“你难道不能表现得像位绅士吗？”
　　“听着，”他说，“我已经像绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得像位女士。”
　　I Am Acting Like a Lady
　　One day when women dresses were on sale at the Far East Department Store,a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
　　襓ou there!?challenged a thrill voice. 褻an誸 you act like a gentleman??襆isten,觝e said,襂 have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on,I am acting like a lady.?
　　
　　我采购过早了
　　那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
　　“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
　　“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”
　　“在商店开门之前。”犯人应道。
　　Early Shopper
　　It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
　　"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
　　"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
　　"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
　　
　　我还不认识她呢
　　一对夫妇在公园里散步，发现一对年轻的男女坐在一条长凳上，动情地接吻。
　　“你为什么不那么做呢？”妻子说。
　　“亲爱的，”丈夫回答说，“我还不认识那个女子呢!”
　　I Don't Know Her
　　A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.
　　"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.
　　"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"
　　
　　你自己做好准备吧
　　一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈,我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。”
　　两天以后，他收到了回电:“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”
　　Prepare yourself
　　A student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
　　Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."
　　
　　你知道我是谁吗？
　　男孩：那个校长难道不是个傻瓜吗？
　　女孩：喂，你知道我是谁吗？
　　男孩：不知道。
　　女孩：我是校长的女儿。
　　男孩：那么你知道我是谁吗？
　　女孩：不知道。
　　男孩：谢天谢地。
　　Do You Know me?
　　Boy: Isn't the principal a dummy?
　　Girl: Say, do you know who I am?
　　Boy: No.
　　Girl: I'm the principal's daughter.
　　Boy: And do you know who I am?
　　Girl: No.
　　Boy: Thanks goodness.
　　
　　保证没走错
　　在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：
　　“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？”
　　“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”
　　“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”
　　To be on the Safe Side
　　In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer. A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
　　"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
　　" Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
　　"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
　　